Sticker shock

I’m a thrift store nut. To me it’s a modern day treasure hunt. Here’s a recent find.PrincessColoringBook

FOUND – Brand new, untouched Disney Wonderful Princess World Sticker Book.
PRICE NEW – $12.99.
THRIFT COST – $2

Gabby loves coloring. And stickers. And Disney Princess. So basically I struck gold. This book is brand new, with not one of the 600 stickers gone, and not one lick of crayola on any page. There were a couple other Disney Princess books too, but this one was the diamond in the rough.

Speaking of which, I’ve always been bothered by the Disney Princesses. Who decides who gets to be one? Where is there no Maid Marian (Robin Hood) or Alice (Alice in Wonderland)? Sure, Alice technically wasn’t royalty, but wasn’t Marian? And then there’s Nala from Lion King who, by the movie title, was obviously a Lion Queen. She had to have been a princess before then, right? Or does her promotion by movie’s end bar her from eternal princesshood? Does that mean when Jasmine’s dad kicks the bucket and Aladdin becomes king, Disney drops her from the merchandise? Will there be a Queen line? And could they market Disney Queens with no smirks?

Just some of the mysteries I ponder while waiting for Gabby to eventually fall asleep. (And I ain’t even getting into the lack of Disney Princes).

And yes, this conversation on Facebook was WAY too long.

fbprincess

Star Wars v.4.5 – A Lost Hope

How low can one man go for a buck?

This week marks 30 years of Star Wars. That’s right, 30 years of Luke, Leia, Darth and the rise of the Dark Lord Lucas. I own the original trilogy on VHS (two sets, actually) but refuse – REFUSE I say – to own any of the DVDs which feature scenes prostituing a great franchise closer to Lucas’ original “vision.”

Of course, the movie is his creation, so he can do with it what he will. Consider the original classic his rough draft, the special edition a revision, and the latest DVD incarnation “last minute touches.” He never learned that eventually you have to put a period in your story, or a signature to your print. The Mona Lisa’s smile just may have needed a bit more work, but Di Vinci decided once done he was done. Time to move on.

Lucas never will. His movies are now like software upgrades. You may have loved Bank Street Writer v2.1, but just wait until you bang away on Bank Street Writer v2.2, now with tint control! (Hackers as a rule don’t handle obsolescence well). The same goes for that galaxy far, far away. (It didn’t come with CGI control.)

So, on this grand 30th anniversary week, I hereby boldly go where Lucas has gone before (I know … I know .. more sci-fi blasphamy. But at least Kahn remains pristine). Within the next 10 years, the original trilogy will again be enhanced thusly:

– Jar Jar will be seen in the Cantina.

– At the end of ROTJ, Vader’s final words to Luke will be, “You were right about me. Tell your sister…you were right … (grabbing heart) I’m coming to join ya, Padme.”

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I can change, I can change, I know I’ve been a dirty little …

This is just awesome. Really. I’ve always wondered if he’s seen it, and now I know:
Heyyyyyy Satan!

Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein is being made to watch his appearance in cult cartoon South Park while he is behind bars.

The deposed leader on trial in Iraq was featured in the movie spin-off as the lover of the devil. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut featured Hussein and Satan attempting to take over the world together.

Speaking at the Edinburgh International Television Festival, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone said US Marines guarding the former dictator during his trial for genocide were making him watch the movie “repeatedly”.

“I have it on pretty good information from the Marines on detail in Iraq that they showed him the movie last year. That’s really adding insult to injury. I bet that made him really happy,” Stone said.

Outstanding.

And if this doesn’t get your day started with a smile, check out the latest effort by CBS News to torpedo all that is Couric:

Not that there's anything wrong with being fat

The left photo is the official first-pic-of-Katie released by CBS at this year’s upfront. (TVNewser posted it in May.) The left photo is an edited version of the same photo, from the September issue of Watch magazine, which is owned by CBS.

I just find it so hard to take her or CBS seriously.

Singing for a new season

With many apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein:

Let's sit in the warming glow of tv's warming glowSimpsons on Sunday and Griffins on after;
Mikes in the morning and SportsCenter laughter;
Vince and Shawn Michaels are coming to blows;
These are a few of my favorite shows.

Chinese officials and Bauer have issues;
House calls and bad calls and Cameron with tissues;
LOST on an island and nobody knows;
These are a few of my favorite shows.

Huey and Riley and Cartman and Butters;
The Word of Colbert and all Brit Hume utters;
Panthers will kickoff against many foes;
These are a few of my favorite shows.

When premieres start,
When summer slows,
When all goes well,
I simply look forward to all my great shows,
Even reruns from Chappelle.

About last night … Chappelle’s Show

As Slate.com opines, “this is a high-postmodern masterpiece that finds the comedian at the top of his game.”

Last night’s premiere of the Chappelle Show’s “Lost Episodes” was well done, from the opening credits (“I don’t think he’s coming”) to the selection of guest hosts Charlie Murphy and what’s-his-name (I’m kidding, it’s Donnell Rawlings). took long enoughThe skits were funny. Not quite season 1 or 2 funny (as the dead guy predicts in the first sketch), but funnier than any 30 minutes of Mencia’s mind.

Chappelle always has something to say. Every sketch – no matter how silly – has an intelligent lining, often obscured by over-the-top sophomoric fart jokes.

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The president threw a party in the county jail

While flipping around the talking box Saturday I caught Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi having a little too much conversation and way too much action while touring Graceland with President Bush. The Pain, THE PAIN!It’s not everyday you see a foreign leader breakin’ down some Elvis. I’m not sure I want to see it again.

As I watched video of the rock and or roll, I wondered what reaction Bush would provoke if, while on a state tour of Sweden, he began belting out “Take a Chance on Me” while doing the Carlton. (If it did happen, I’m sure he’d inadvertently warm up with some “Dancing Queen”, thus destroying YouTube.com’s servers.)

But face it – just about anyone can get their Elvis on and get away with it. The man’s legacy inspires more reverence than Marilyn Monroe’s thigh. So great is he that, not only is he remembered for doing black music so selfishly and using it to get himself wealthy, but his music owns major real estate in the Country Music Hall of Fame. I made my first trip there back in February and was somewhat surprised to see the Sequined One among the crooners. I couldn’t help but express my surprise in front of a camera, drawing more irate attention than the Dixie Chicks exhibit.

And as shocked as I was to see Elvis in the great Hall, I was not at all prepared for this:

wt achey breaky f

I do have one sweet Elvis-related memory. Back in the days of Olivia Newton-John and Blondie, I made a habit of plundering the record collection of my then-teenaged aunt. She had dozens of 45s. My two favorites were Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” and Elvis’ “Jailhouse Rock.” But no typical connaisseur was I. Oh no. While “Jailhouse Rock” was passable at normal speed, I insisted on cranking it up to 78 rpms. Now that was rockin’. If Elvis had ever met Red Bull, that’s how he’d have sounded.

I’ve only encountered one other song made sweeter by messing with its metronome. By coincidence, it was produced someone who has literally come within one degree of Elvis (At least we assume he did). I am speaking, of course, of the Gloved One, BP (Before Pedophilia). As grand a song as “Man in the Mirror” was, I appreciated more the instrumental version at 33 rpm. I would ask for you to give it a try but, *sigh*, technology isn’t what it used to be.

Too bad CDs are limited in velocity options. Who knows what …. other …. tres …. sures …. r …. out …. there if onlyyoucouldpseedthemup!

The politics of Siths and Smurfs

Darth and KerryA recent offhand comment over at The Corner describing someone as “slightly to the right of Darth Vader” promoted Jonah Goldberg to vigorously protest.

It’s an amusing read, not so much as a political statement but the amount of free time some people have to think about such significant issues.

Darth Vader grew up poor and oppressed — a slave even! He was saved by a progressive organization which took him in out of a mixture of pity and affirmative action. … Corrupted by power, John Kerryesque arrogance, and other selfish motives, young Darth — then going by his slave name Anakin — embraced the Empire which sought to overturn the planet’s-rights system of the republic in favor of centralized planning. He then dedicated most of his career to enforcing a classically progressive, top-down socialism of the “one-best way,” breaking contracts with mining companies when it suited him. Late in life, when he realized the unintended consequences of central planning, he recanted. So maybe at the very end he was a neocon of sorts.

A neocon, huh? You may be right, Jonah:

vader again

Then again, Vader would fit in well with the Natural Law Party. He embodies much of their of platform, or at least the portions of the platform the party kept hidden.

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