“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome and good evening. It is now time for the main event. Introducing first, on my left in the toddler bed, wearing Disney princess pajamas with pink trim, weighing in at a fit and ever growing 29 pounds, with an outstanding record of 764 nights with a pacifier, including 1,400 naps, the undisputed Monkey Girl of Meyhem, Gabby ….. “Gobble-L!” …. Grace!!!
“And to my right, wearing the Dr. Evil knockoff costume with black lace, with a record of three children, one a teen, she who always Get Things Done My Way, heeeeerrrrrreeeeeee’s Mom!
Tonight’s fight – getting rid of the dreaded pacifier. Let’s get readddddyyyyyy to stumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the past few weeks the wife has marveled Gabby with tales of the Pacy Fairy. When little boys and girls get to big for pacifiers, the Pacy Fairy comes and takes those pacys for babies who need one. In exchange for the pacies, the fairy leaves a present. Maybe a Princess present! Do you want to do that Gabrielle?
Gabby seemed taken by the idea, no matter that for the extent of her almost three years out the womb she has never went a day without her beloved pacifier. Before she takes a nap, goes to bed, heads to school, gets a booboo or rides in the car, she needs her “pacy and blankey.” The blankey the wife could live with. But the pacy had to go.
It was time.
ROUND ONE – FRIDAY.
The fight begins with the wife and Gabby gathering up all the pacies and putting them in a bag. They place the bag on the porch. They then head to bed. Gabby just lays there, squirming and refusing to find comfort.
GABBY: I want my pacy.
WIFE: The pacy fairy is getting your pacy, and will bring you a present! Remember!
GABBY (quiet): OK.
Around 9:30 the wife leaves Gabby alone, hoping in vain she’ll eventually fall asleep. After 10 to 15 minutes, Gabby comes out her room to ours. She’s smiling, giddy. I take her back to her room. She asks for her pacy. I say she can’t have it. She begins to whine. And whine. And whine.
I insist she close her eyes. I insist she go to sleep.
Then she REALLY lays in the whine … for almost two hours. “I want my mommy! I want my mommy!”
At 11:45 on the dot, she finally succumbs to sleep. Pacy-less.
ROUND TWO – SATURDAY
Gabby wakes us at 6ish. She immediately thinks, pacy present! She jumps out of bed, leaves her room, goes straight to the front door, UNLOCKS IT, GOES OUTSIDE ALONE, sees her gift, and runs back into the house, into our room, wakes us up and shouts –
“Princess lipgloss! Look! Princess lipgloss!”
So far, so good.
She takes no nap. Refuses to. She somehow came across a pacy we forgot to hide and I convince her she was seeing things.
Evening comes. Time for bed. She’s wore out with no nap. And she asks –
GABBY: I want my blue pacy.
WIFE: The pacy fairy took all your pacys honey.
GABBY: I just want ONE pacy, momma. Please? Just one?
The wife stays firm. At 10ish, Gabby finally conks out.
ROUND THREE – SUNDAY
Gabby wakes up no problem. She crys herself into a nap (she was REALLY cranky from lack of sleep). Night comes. She again begs for “just ONE pacy.” She eventually fades for good at 10ish.
ROUND FOUR – MONDAY
The battle appears to be over. No nap. A slight struggle at bedtime. But she eventually goes to sleep with much less of a fight or whine.
Your winner – THE WIFE!
Loser – Me.
Gabby now not only can go without a pacy, she cares nothing for her beloved blankies. Not bear blankey. Not car blankey. Not butterfly blankey. (She has three, all one-sided with silk).
She was still aspleep when I left this morning, neither blankey in sight. I know next time she gets up and joins me for our early morning Disney TV ritual, she will be sans her P and B. She’ll seem less like my baby girl. She’s growing up.
WIFE: This bothers you, really? Doesn’t it?
ME: I just want her to stay a baby.
WIFE: Well you HAVE another one (points to Big G, crawling on the floor sucking on his pacy).
ME: (Silent for a sec) … But he wants nothing to do with a blankey!