For months The Teen has been obsessing about her looks. Specifically, her weight. She’s been pestering The Wife about whether she looks fat and gripes there’s never anything healthy to eat in the house. Recently she became obsessed with researching diet pills on the internet, and has been near-demanding mom to get her some.
The Teen is not, in fact, fat (surprise!). The rush of sudden puberty has of course caused her some weight gain. But her refusal to exercise or watch what she eats has led to a poochy belly and some (what she claims are) flabby arms.
Also included in this new girth is her growing into a near copy of her mom’s physique. Specifically … how should I put this? …. up “top.”
One morning The Wife and Teen went to town. The Teen added an unexpected twist to her weighty script.
TEEN: Mom, if I lost some weight, would my boobs shrink?
WIFE: Um .. probably. They’re basically fatty tissue, and if you lose some weight you’d probably lose some fat there too.
TEEN: Hmmmmm. (Silence)
The next morning The Teen had ice cream for breakfast. And went on a severe Oreo binge that night. We have yet to hear another word about diet pills.
Teens are so weird.