Kernels of conversation

Random conversations from the past few weeks. All true (cross my heart).

The teen’s great grandmother, Sis, visits us in the hospital the day after Gavin’s birth.
Sis: Is there anything you need, Amy? Just let me know. Anything at all.
Me: (sarcastically) Why is everyone so concerned with her? What about me? Maybe I need something? What about my needs!
Sis: (smiling with a wink) Rob, honey, I just saw that your needs have already been met.

Conversation between myself and a nurse two hours into wife’s heavy contractions with still no epidural
Me: Is the anesthesiologist here yet?
Nurse: No, but he’s on his way.
Me: (In good humor). No offense, but we’ve been told that the past two hours. So is he on his way “down the hall,” or on his way “down the road.”
Nurse: He’s on his way from home.
Me: What? Is he Floridian?
Nurse: No. Actually, he’s Korean.
(As I learned several minutes later, yep, he was of Korean descent.)

A conversation soon after Gavin was born, as relatives in our room reminisce about their children’s births.
Wife’s cousin: Just the other day momma was going through Justin’s baby memory box, and pulled out his circumcision ring.
— Group laughter —
The Teen: (in her best sulking you- don’t- love- me- that– much accusatory tone) You didn’t save mine, did you mom!?

While rocking Gabby to sleep, I blanked on a new song to sing. So I started softly cooing some Lauper.
Me: They just a wanna … they just a wann-uh-uh … They just a wanna … the girls just want to have fun … oh, Gabby just wants to have fun.
Gabby: (removing pacifier) I like this song, da-da. Gabby likes this song.

Different day, me again rocking Gabby to sleep.
Me: Do you want da-da to sing you a song?
Gabby: Uh-huh.
Me: What song do you want daddy to sing?
Gabby: Uhhhh …. Jebus love me.
Me: Okay
— I sing Jesus loves me —
Me: Do you want da-da to sing another song?
Gabby: Uh-huh.
Me: What song do you want daddy to sing?
Gabby: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh … Jebus love me!
(And yes, she did do the “uhhhhhhhhhhh”s)

Gabby and I are in the yard when I spy a squirrel in a nearby tree.
Me: Look Gabby! A squirrel. Do you see that squirrel?
— Gabby nods head —
Me: That squirrel’s eating a nut! Can you see him eating a nut?
— Gabby nods head again, then stares silently a couple seconds —
Gabby: (shouting) That nut good, squirrel!!? Huh!!

Almost any evening when Gabby and I are out on the trampoline and a runner, bicyclist, etc. comes by
Gabby: Hello! Come see me! Come see me on the tramp-o-lean.

At Gabby’s favorite restaurant, Bandana’s, which has on one wall a mounted bear head. Carrying Gabby, I take her over to say hello
Me: Say ‘hello bear.’
Gabby: Hello bear.
Me: Watch. Daddy’s gonna get his nose. Here I go. I’m gonna get his nose! Get his nose!
— I honk the bear’s nose. —
Me: Do you wanna get his nose, too?
Gabby shakes head no. She retreats into my shoulder, then turns back to the bear.
Gabby: (quickly in a run-on sentence) Gabby no touch the bear the bear might bite me no no bear you don’t bite me ouch!

The wife, girls and Gavin are sitting in a hair salon. The teen is getting her hair cut as Gabby strikes up a conversation with a sweet old lady beside her.
Gabby: See my toenails. My toenails paint-ted.
Sweet old lady: Ohhhh … they’re so pretty. Did you paint your toenails?
Gabby: Noooooo. Daddy painted my toenails.
Sweet old lady: (laughing softly) Don’t you mean momma painted your toenails?
Gabby: No. Da-da paint toenails! Da-da do it!
(Guilty as charged. Ah, fatherhood.)

3 thoughts on “Kernels of conversation

  1. R-
    Man, those are good little tales. ‘Cause I’ve met Gabby,
    I can just get a mental picture of you both doing just that!
    Keep me posted, man – I’m takin’ notes. ‘Da Twinz are set
    to arrive 9.15 or sooner. They’re kickin’ like little ninjas.

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