The show starts with a review of the past 12 years. Some nice clips there, including Chris Collingsworth, Jimmy Kimmel and all. It takes more than two minutes to get to any, you know, football. Since this is a football show.
We’re live at Jacksonville! Wow they have a drum corp and cheerleaders, just like a college!
Joe Buck’s first words on camera – “Who is that guy in my TV hosting NFL Sunday? After Rosie O’Donnell took that job at The View they choose me!” Just what I want prior to a football show, a reference to an ugly lesbian. Thanks white JB.
The Direct TV FOX News Watch. That’s a mouthful.
First report, the status of Steve Smith. Shocked, shocked I am that a Panther starts the show and not that guy down in Dallas. Then again, this is Fox, not ESPN. They have higher standards. And that’s really sad, once you think about it.
The Browns are celebrating their 60th anniversary. That seems an odd stat, given the team didn’t exist for a few years. When you finally remarry you don’t get to add on the inbetween-rings-years to your “new” total. Maybe the Browns have always existed “in our hearts.”
At 12:06 we see and hear the full cast – the white JB, Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long and Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy’s audio really sucks. In fact, the audio from the start has been bad. Buck has been yelling, and now Jimmy and Howie have this odd echo going. It’s actually how I imagine a call would sound on ESPN Mobile.
Terry reminds everyone that Seattle lost in the Super Bowl. Jimmy says the loser in the Super Bowl traditionally doesn’t play well the next season. Unsaid is the Super Bowl winner traditionally didn’t play well the year before. So I now have Seattle winning it all next year.
Nine minutes into the show we get into the Dallas-TO situation. Somewhere, a SportsCenter producer is cursing, “It’s about time!”
It turn out to be a TO tease. The booth guy for the Dallas game (Jay?) says nothing new. Jay and JB end the segment with JB hinting he wants to do him. SIGH. I miss the black JB.
Coming up, for the first time IN HISTORY, brother versus brother. Manning vs. Manning. Colts vs. Giants. A team that chokes versus a team that blows. Put that way, Chesney has money on the latter.
Commercial break. YAWWWWN.
The first State Farm Covers the Field Segment. Topic, how to guard against Terrell Owens. Jacksonville coach Jack Del Rio is the guest diagrammer. Mix coverage, roll to him, go one on one, he’s horse, you have to tackle him. Yeah, that about sums it up.
Del Rio says Byran Leftwich is poised to have a big year this year. And the crowd cheered when he said that, which means is obviously true.
Finally! Eighteen minutes into the show we get some football! The best hits from 2005. I always enjoy how FOX puts these clips together. Random wipes. Soft lens. Color. Black and White. Off color. On color. And rock and roll music. It’s over before it starts, but I enjoyed it before I saw it.
Another commerial break.
Frank Caliendo is back. I like Frank. JB informs us that last season Frank picked 65 percent winners, and went 8-1 in playoffs. Here’s his skit. It starts with him as black JB at the old set, wondering where everyone is. As usual, Bradshaw is the focus of most of the skit. Nice joke on Johnson not being able to travel due to travel restrictions on (hair) gel.
FC picks – Broncos, Bucs, Panthers and Bengals are the upset. FC as black JB makes first mention of Jillian being gone. He says she now works at Hooters, “so you know she still gets to see Terry each week.” Cut back to crew, who make Hooters jokes. Nice to know they like boobs. Ya had to wonder after the time they spent on the NFL’s sexiest man competion last year.
During the break, I browse over to today’s Boonedocks. Funny stuff.
Back to the show, we learn again how Reggie Bush is the messiah. Quick replay of his college years. Then JB asks, did Houston blow it by not taking Bush. Johnson answers, definitely. Three years from now, Young, Lineart and Cutler will be viewed as lost opportunities for Houston.Long says it was less about ability than affording him. No opinion from TB. Hmmmm.
Finally, at 12:30 some actual football talk .. kinda. Carolina-Falcons. Vick was 25th in passing last season, but Atlanta has hired some help. Carolina picked up Keyshawn Johnson to help Steve Smith. Well, duh! I knew all that.
Question – is this the year Vick turns it all around? Correspondent JC Pearson says no, he’s not really a QB. He doesn’t belong just in the pocket. Vick says judge him by the standard “does he make the plays that help his team win.” The answer is, yes .. half the time. Your team was 8-8 last season Vick.
TB asks which quarterbacks faced the most pressure last season. Answer, Jake Delhomme and Michael Vick. ME: Last year one went to the conference finals (again). The other nowhere. Yet who gets the commercials with Nike and the other Bojangles? As much as I like Vick, crap like that tempts me to be a hater.
We’re back and SportsCenter-lite is on, as TO is on the screen. Nice recap of what’s happened the past few weeks. They show video of TO and Parcells going back and forth. Observation – the Cowboys have some ugly caps.
TO – “Everyone in their life has overslept every once and awhile.” That cracks me up.
JB asks – Would you want TO on your team. JJ pauses .. “let me put it this way.” He discusses picking up Charles Haley and winning two straight SBs. JJ ends with “You need great players.”
JB goes to a Toby Keith audio clip – and sings with it. “I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I, wanna talk about No. 1, oh me oh my.” He eventually says you can’t win with strong team chemistry and TO goes against that.
HL says TO can’t be reasoned with. The media ruined him. He now plays to them, not team.
TB asks the crowd, would you want TO on your team. They yell back, No! So case closed. Jacksonville fans have spoken. Given these were the same people shouting Jaguars No. 1 at the start of the show, I have reason to question their sanity.
Rapid fire segement – ie. Our PTI ripoff. Cheerleaders come on the stage to hand JB the questions. Hellooo Samantha. Helloooooo Tiffany. They stand behind Joe Buck. He quickly shoos them off. That’s it. He’s gay.
Question one to TB – will McNabb be a top flight QB again: “Yes.” Howie says he doesn’t understand the question.
Question two – Who gets left out in NFC East: No one answers. They laugh and chortle and waste airtime.
Right or wrong, Branch or Patriots: HL says he’s likely to be traded to Seattle. JJ says if you’re under contract, GO TO WORK.
More amazing recovery by QB: Palmer or someone I didn’t hear. HL talks. I’m still typing the last question.
Is Farve too big in Green Bay for his coach to control: JJ – Three years ago, yes. As for Brett Farve, “People are tired of all his stuff.”
Which new coach gets it done: JB – “Brad Childress.” Why? “Just cause.” Now THAT’S analysis.
Is Cower coming back: TB, yes, he’s coaching next year. But if he’s not at Pittsburgh, he won’t be anywhere. Did he just contradict himself?
What did Moss mean “it’s crazy around the Raiders” and he’s “walking on egg shells: JJ – “It’s about time Moss walked on egg shells. Art is trying to instill some discipline. Good luck!”
Sleeper team: HL picked someone. I didn’t hear. Typing. Wow. This IS some rapid fire.
Super Bowl picks: JB – Seattle. HL – Carolina. JJ – Carolina. JB goes Dallas, which incites the crowd behind him.
RF is over. Pretty weak overall. I again miss the real JB.
We now go to the two-minute drill. They cut to JC Pearson, who had no clue he was on. He stared blankly at the camera, then had that “oh crap” look when he darted his eyes to the side and focused in on the camera to begin his report.
This whole 2-minute segment really is a waste. They go from city to city and ask the correspondent to give their fantasy player pick for the game (ie. The player who will gain the most fantasy points). Really weak segment, as always.
After flushing two minutes of national tv airtime, the crew are back on the field. There’s happy talk. They bring in JB’s color man for the Dallas game. I didn’t catch his name. They ask him for his Super Bowl pick. He says he wants to say Carolina, but throws out Jacksonville. The crowd roars approvingly at the cheap pop. Mick Foley couldn’t have done it better.
That’s the show. Early games are next!
So what did I learn in 60 minutes:
– My Panthers are THE fashionable Super Bowl pick, even though the starting QB is best known off field for hocking fried chicken.
– Initials are cool.
– Carolina-Atlanta and Dallas-Jacksonville are the only NFL games of any consequence today. Oh, there is some game with the opposing QBs being brothers, but that’s not on FOX so screw it.
– Joe Buck is uncomfortable around hot cheerleaders. Which is more confirmation than new information.
– TO talks a lot in front of a camera.
– I have to go online to find today’s gameday weather.
– There really isn’t a lot of football on this show.
It’s 1 p.m. Panthers-Falcons! Peppers is coming for ya Vick. Enjoy!