You shall know me by my shuffle

My friend Gnumoon had so much fun with a random shuffle quiz, I had to give it a shot myself. It involves answering questions based on the next song to shuffle forward in your personal digital jukebox. Before hitting “Play,” I must first caution. My playlist is built with soundtracks, remixes, radio bits and the occasional “real” song. That said, the answers scare me.

kahn

How does the world see me?
Song: Mutara Nebula (From soundtrack to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn)
Artist: James Horner
Comment: Given the theme of gifts I constantly receive from casual friends (Star Trek birthday cards, Star Wars ornaments), this may indeed unfortunately be true.

Will I have a happy life?
Song: Black Hole Sun
Artist: Soundgarden
Comment: Umm … in the Teletubbies’ world the sun is happy. And gardens are pretty. But the lyrics confuse me. How do you “wash” away “rain,” especially if you’re a “sun”?

What do my friends really think of me?
Song: Star Wars Trance Techno Mix
Artist: No idea
Comment: I think the title says it all.

Do people secretly lust after me?
Song: Stewie’s Sexy Party
Artist: The kid from Family Guy
Comment: A cartoon baby rapping about making it socially acceptable for babies to poop in their pants .. so the answer is “No.”

stewie

How can I make myself happy?
Song: Oceanic 815, Theme from Lost
Artist: Michael Giacchino
Comment: Obviously I need to crash land on a mysterious island full of deadly black smoke, crazed manipulative “others” and Evangeline Lilly. Sweet!

What should I do with my life?
Song: Finale, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Artist: Danny Elfman
Comment: Translation – Spend more time at Kilwin’s

Why must life be so full of pain?
Song: Predator theme
Artist: Alan Silvestri
Comment: “I ain’t got time to bleed!”

predator

Will I ever have children?
Song: Harry Potter theme
Artist: John Williams
Comment: ‘Nuff said.

Will I die happy?
Song: Crocodile Locke (from Lost)
Artist: Michael Giacchino
Comment: I take this as a no, though hopefully I’ll stay out of the wheelchair.

What is some good advice for me?
Song: Halloween Main theme
Artist: John Carpenter
Comment: Translation – If a killer is loose and I find myself alone in a house with Jamie Lee Curtis, prepare to be ventilated.

What is happiness?
Song: Internet Porn (yes, such a song exists, and yes, it did really come up here)
Artist: Davinci’s Notebook
Comment: Lyric – “Internet Porn … barely legal teens .. Internet Porn .. naughty figurines … Internet Porn … geriatric German grandmas .. spanking .. Spanish .. men.”

What’s my favorite fetish?
Song: Independence Day theme
Artist: David Arnold
Comment: I define this as freedom to do anything I desire. That or dressing up with tentacles and a ball gag.

alien

How will I be remembered?
Song: Harvest Moon
Artist: Neil Young
Comments: Lyric – “But now it’s gettin’ late … And the moon is climbin’ high … I want to celebrate … See it shinin’ in your eye … Because I’m still in love with you .. I want to see you dance again … Because I’m still in love with you … On this harvest moon.” Nice.

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