My friend Gnumoon had so much fun with a random shuffle quiz, I had to give it a shot myself. It involves answering questions based on the next song to shuffle forward in your personal digital jukebox. Before hitting “Play,” I must first caution. My playlist is built with soundtracks, remixes, radio bits and the occasional “real” song. That said, the answers scare me.
How does the world see me?
Song: Mutara Nebula (From soundtrack to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn)
Artist: James Horner
Comment: Given the theme of gifts I constantly receive from casual friends (Star Trek birthday cards, Star Wars ornaments), this may indeed unfortunately be true.
Will I have a happy life?
Song: Black Hole Sun
Comment: Umm … in the Teletubbies’ world the sun is happy. And gardens are pretty. But the lyrics confuse me. How do you “wash” away “rain,” especially if you’re a “sun”?
What do my friends really think of me?
Song: Star Wars Trance Techno Mix
Artist: No idea
Comment: I think the title says it all.
Do people secretly lust after me?
Song: Stewie’s Sexy Party
Artist: The kid from Family Guy
Comment: A cartoon baby rapping about making it socially acceptable for babies to poop in their pants .. so the answer is “No.”
How can I make myself happy?
Song: Oceanic 815, Theme from Lost
Artist: Michael Giacchino
Comment: Obviously I need to crash land on a mysterious island full of deadly black smoke, crazed manipulative “others” and Evangeline Lilly. Sweet!
What should I do with my life?
Song: Finale, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Artist: Danny Elfman
Comment: Translation – Spend more time at Kilwin’s …
Why must life be so full of pain?
Song: Predator theme
Artist: Alan Silvestri
Comment: “I ain’t got time to bleed!”
Will I ever have children?
Song: Harry Potter theme
Artist: John Williams
Comment: ‘Nuff said.
Will I die happy?
Song: Crocodile Locke (from Lost)
Artist: Michael Giacchino
Comment: I take this as a no, though hopefully I’ll stay out of the wheelchair.
What is some good advice for me?
Song: Halloween Main theme
Artist: John Carpenter
Comment: Translation – If a killer is loose and I find myself alone in a house with Jamie Lee Curtis, prepare to be ventilated.
What is happiness?
Song: Internet Porn (yes, such a song exists, and yes, it did really come up here)
Artist: Davinci’s Notebook
Comment: Lyric – “Internet Porn … barely legal teens .. Internet Porn .. naughty figurines … Internet Porn … geriatric German grandmas .. spanking .. Spanish .. men.”
What’s my favorite fetish?
Song: Independence Day theme
Artist: David Arnold
Comment: I define this as freedom to do anything I desire. That or dressing up with tentacles and a ball gag.
How will I be remembered?
Song: Harvest Moon
Artist: Neil Young
Comments: Lyric – “But now it’s gettin’ late … And the moon is climbin’ high … I want to celebrate … See it shinin’ in your eye … Because I’m still in love with you .. I want to see you dance again … Because I’m still in love with you … On this harvest moon.” Nice.